


1 x 3 = 1

by CiaraFox



Category: Dark Matter (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Anal Virgin (We Think), Communal Embarrassment, Cuddling for Protection, Fluff and Smut, Fluffy Smut, Forehead Touching, Fuck Or Die, Interlocking, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Motionless Anal Penetration, Only-Just-of-Age Penetration (Five), Penetration, Post-Coital Cuddling, Protectiveness, Robot, Shameless Smut, Slight Alternate Universe, Slight Robot Voyeurism, staring into each other's eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 12:57:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19888210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CiaraFox/pseuds/CiaraFox
Summary: When the android informs the crew that a robot is about to come aboard to check the ship for stowaways, Two's solution is a little… unorthodox. In order to fool the robot, she says they need to make it appear that the stowaways arepartof one of the crew members, i.e. one and the same person. To do this, they need to be… connected. Physically. And that doesn't just mean holding hands.Unfortunately for One and Three, the others have already decided who the pairs are going to be. And they drew the short straw.





	1 x 3 = 1

**Author's Note:**

> Slight AU where Derrick Moss and Kal Varrick were stowaways as well as Das – same sort of motives though: Derrick planned to sneak up on Marcus Boone and kill him, Kal planned to spy as a Galactic Authority person.  
> Derrick Moss looks like Jace Corso and he either looks different or doesn’t exist.
> 
> This is a bit of a weird and far-fetched idea, but I just had to do it ^^;
> 
> * * *

One stared at Two. He stared at Three. He stared at Four, Five and Six. Lastly, he stared at the android.

“Say that again?” he implored.

“I have detected a small shuttle in our trajectory,” she dutifully repeated. “It sent a message ahead saying that our ship is due for an inspection. The vessel contains a robot that is able to detect nearby life forms. Its purpose is to locate stowaways on a craft and dispose of them.”

“And it’s gaining on us?”

“Yes,” said the android. “It will reach the ship in just over forty minutes.”

“Well, who sent it?” Three demanded. “How did they know we had stowaways aboard?”

“I don’t believe they did,” the android replied. “This is merely a routine check.”

“How does the robot know if someone’s a stowaway?” Five asked nervously.

“They have records of the crew members, including DNA information, which they can then scan for. Any beings that don’t match their records are disposed of.”

“And… by disposed of, you mean dropped off at the nearest space station?” asked Six hopefully.

“No, disposed of out of an airlock,” the android answered.

“I had a feeling you were going to say that,” Six muttered.

“So… what do we do?” asked One desperately. “Hide out somewhere in the ship and hope it doesn’t find us?”

“Actually, we’ve already discussed this a little and… there may be a better option,” Two informed them.

“There is? What?”

Two, Four, Five and Six all looked at each other with awkward expressions. That didn’t reassure One or Three at all.

“Well…” Two began, “the thing is… see, the people who designed these robots didn’t consider that the crew of a ship might know about their stowaways and actually want to help them. It… leaves us with something of a loophole.”

“Loopholes are good,” Three said hopefully.

“This one isn’t the best,” said Four.

Two went on, “The robots are only equipped with a fairly rudimentary life sign scanner. It works by detecting heat signatures so, if a registered crew member and a stowaway are close enough and… connected, they should be able to fool the robot into thinking there’s just one person there rather than two.”

“So what, we just… stand really close together?” Three asked.

“No… She said the two people had to be ‘connected’. Connected how?” asked One suspiciously.

“Connected… physically.”

“Like… holding hands?”

Three scoffed; One glared at him.

“Not exactly…” When One and Three just stared at her, waiting for an explanation, Two sighed. “That wouldn’t be enough to fool it. It needs to be a more… substantial connection. Something that makes two separate bodies appear as one.”

The truth was slowly starting to dawn on One. Three was slower.

“Well, how the hell are you going to do that? Unless you wanna, like, surgically attach us together –”

“That’s not what she means,” One said quietly.

“What, then?” demanded Three.

One was looking at Two, and her awkward expression confirmed his fears.

“She means the two bodies need to… interlock,” he said.

“Interlock? But how…” Finally, Three got it. “Whoooaa, hold up a second – you’re saying in order to not get killed by this robot, we all need to screw each other?!”

“Not screw,” Two protested, “just… interlock, like One said.”

“Alright, so we put our parts in each other’s parts – how is that not screwing?”

“We wouldn’t be moving,” Five piped up, before blushing and ducking her head.

Out of things to say, Three shut his mouth and shook his head in disbelief.

One had realised something else. “What about the fact that there are four guys and two girls?”

Three’s eyes widened as that dawned on him, too, and he nodded rapidly in agreement with One’s need for an answer. The other four looked awkwardly at each other again.

“We had noticed that,” Six admitted.

Only now did it register with One and Three how the others were standing. Two and Six, Five and Four. They’d already paired up.

One and Three gawped frantically back and forth between them and each other. And as soon as they were over the shock, they both started yelling.

“No way!”

“Absolutely not!”

“I am _not_ having sex with a dude!”

“Me neither!”

“Especially not _him!”_

“Yeah!”

“I’ve told you, you don’t have to have sex,” Two said impatiently.

“Yeah – well – I’m not sticking my dick inside a dude either!”

One turned to him in annoyance. “Who said you’d be the one doing the sticking?”

Three looked at him and laughed. “Oh, please.”

One scowled fiercely and turned back to the others.

“So we drew the short straw because we didn’t happen to be here when you first found out, is that it?” he said angrily.

The others looked guilty now, as right they should in One’s opinion.

Two stepped in. “Look… I knew you two would just end up arguing about who was gonna be with me –”

One and Three opened their mouths, then looked at each other and knew she had a point.

“I didn’t want to choose, so… I thought it would be easier if I was with someone else,” Two finished. “And Five…”

She chimed in. “I, well, I kinda thought it would be weird, you know, with anyone I’m close with – because I kind of think of you guys as family – so…”

“Me and Two, Five and Four. It made sense,” Six said apologetically.

“But he… we…” One couldn’t even formulate a sentence.

“Just man up and do it,” Four advised them. “It will only be for a few minutes.”

“Easy for you to say!” Three snapped.

“It will cost One his life if you refuse,” he points out. “Is your childish distaste worth that?”

Three looked like he might be about to say yes defiantly, but at the expressions on everyone’s faces, he just sighed heavily.

“I s’pose not,” he grumbled.

One also looked unhappily resigned.

Sensing a reluctant understanding, Two said, “Alright then. We better get on with this before the robot arrives.”

With that, she turned to head off toward the sleeping quarters, but then something occurred to One.

“Hang on,” he said, and Two turned back. “Surely, if we’re just… lying like that and not moving, the guys ‘on top’ are going to have some trouble staying… on form…?”

Two thought about that and, realising he was right, her eyes flicked away awkwardly.

“Alright… maybe they’ll have to move a little bit,” she admitted, “if they start… flagging. Still isn’t sex.”

She said that last statement with total confidence, and marched out of the room before they could complain. Six lingered for a moment, then followed. After giving them a small apologetic smile, Five left with Four as well.

One and Three stared after them for a while, then looked at each other, and their faces showed that they were thinking the same thing: what does count as sex then?

Eventually, One muttered, “Well… I guess we’d better…”

“Fine,” Three said shortly.

They headed to the nearest of their bedrooms, Three’s, without another word. Once there, they stood around awkwardly for a bit more.

“Um… so…” One cleared his throat. “Should we talk about who’s doing what exactly?”

“Well, since I’m actually supposed to be here, and you’re the stowaway and all, I should be on top,” Three said matter-of-factly.

“Oh, so you get all the perks because you’re an _official_ crew member?” said One, glaring.

“I meant because the robot needs to think you’re part of me,” Three told him, one eyebrow raised. “If you were on top, it would think I was part of you and kill us both.”

“Oh…” One looked a little sheepish. “Right. Well, that’s pretty convenient for you.”

“True.” Three grinned.

One shook his head. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he said. Avoiding looking at Three, he started to undo his trousers.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Three cried as he was about to push them down.

One froze and frowned at him. “What?” At Three’s strained look, he raised an eyebrow and said, “I kinda need to take my pants off if we’re gonna do this, Three.”

Three scowled.

“No shit, dickbag,” he growled. “You don’t need to show it to me, though, do you? I don’t wanna see that!”

One glared.

“Fine,” he said with a roll of his eyes, turning to face the bed instead.

One pushed his trousers and his underwear down just enough at the back that his bum was out. And he found himself suddenly glad that Three wasn’t watching. He got on the bed and slowly crawled up toward the pillows. As Three got onto the bed after him on his knees, One looked warily back at him, and saw a very similar look on his face.

After a pause, One lay down on his stomach, face turned to the side and resting on his folded arms. He was now acutely aware of the portion of his backside exposed to the open air and Three’s penetrating gaze.

He heard Three’s zip, quiet rustling as he pushed his clothes down, and a soft snap of elastic as he pulled his cock out of his underwear. One swallowed nervously. He then heard the distinct sound of skin rubbing dryly against skin. Knowing what Three must be doing, his stomach started tying itself in knots.

After a couple of minutes, Three pushed One’s legs apart and moved closer, so that their thighs were touching. His hands grabbed the waistband of One’s trousers, brushing the skin of his backside in the process, and yanked them down further, nearly making One yelp. His cock was now half out of his pants, and his whole arse was out in the open.

One closed his eyes and tensed all over as he waited for the invasion, knowing it was coming but not exactly when. He tried to calm himself down, knowing it was going to be so much worse if he wasn’t relaxed, but it was a difficult feat.

But… the invasion never came. He cautiously propped himself up and looked round at Three, wondering what the hold up was. Three was frowning down between his and One’s legs, at the places their private parts should be connecting.

“What’s wrong?” asked One.

“Just trying to figure something out,” Three replied.

“What?”

One rolled onto his side more to see what he meant, and gulped. There was Three’s penis. It was a pretty big penis. That penis was supposed to go inside him. And he started to see the problem. Not that he could see his own arsehole, but he knew it must be pretty small.

“I’m just not sure how the hell I’m supposed to get this into that tiny little thing,” said Three, and he jabbed a finger at One’s butthole, making him jump and clench.

“Well, I’ve never had anything… up there before,” he pointed out, slightly embarrassed. “I mean… I don’t think I have.”

Three looked at him curiously. “Not even a finger?”

One blushed a little and shook his head.

“If you have, maybe you should go underneath…” he tried, but at Three’s look he trailed off and smiled sheepishly.

“Ohhh no – we just need something to loosen you up a bit, that’s all. And lucky for you, I have something that should do the trick,” Three said.

He went and rummaged in a drawer for a moment, then returned with a depleted-looking tube.

“Found this with my things after we woke up,” he said, handing the tube to One, who looked at it and then him. “Think you can handle this?”

Still a little pink-cheeked, One nodded. He squeezed out some of the lubricant and started rubbing it around his hole… then into it. The feeling was a very strange one, but definitely a pleasurable one too. He managed to gradually stretch himself out by adding more lube and fingers, until he felt ready.

When he passed the lube back to Three, he got the distinct impression that he had just been watching, which made him frown slightly in confusion – but he didn’t mention it.

“Better?”

Three checked out his hole and nodded.

“Much.” He continued to look, until One squirmed a little in embarrassed discomfort. Then, in a low voice and without looking at him, Three murmured, “Actually looks… quite inviting now…”

One’s face continued flaming.

After clearing his throat, Three shuffled back between One’s widened legs. One felt his penis jabbing into his newly slicked, sensitive hole and bit his lip to stifle a whimper.

As Three slid slowly inside, One inhaled deeply through his mouth. It did hurt, but not as much as he’d feared, not after lubricating. It also felt better than he’d ever imagined, and he found that he actually didn’t mind this one bit.

“Holy fuck that’s tight,” Three huffed, sounding quite out of breath.

One’s face felt like it was going to be permanently red after this, but Three’s words and the way his voice sounded also made him tingle in very good places.

“Is that okay?” Three asked when he was fully inside, his voice gruffer than usual.

“Yeah, it’s… good, actually,” replied One automatically.

He glimpsed Three’s smile, which showed a hint of uncharacteristic awkwardness.

“Yeah… Well, like I say, I’m not exactly a stranger to that feeling myself,” he said, shrugging. “There’s only so much you can do with yourself. Can get a little samey if you don't switch it up from time to time.”

Understanding, One swallowed the excess saliva in his mouth.

Meekly, he said, “I might have to try that after this…”

Three grinned a little, and if One wasn’t mistaken, he was somewhat red in the face now too.

“So… what now? We just… lie here and wait for the robot to come and go?” asked Three.

“I guess so,” said One.

So they lay there, Three inside One, not moving of course because all they needed to do was be connected. The awkwardness started to grow. As did something else in One’s trousers. He couldn’t help it – it just felt so good, even without Three moving. Thankfully, Three shouldn’t be able to notice.

They avoided looking at each other, except sneaking glances when the other wasn’t looking. And then they accidentally glanced at the same time, and met each other’s eyes. They blinked and winced awkwardly, and their eyes flicked away but only for a second before they looked back. And then neither of them looked away.

For some reason, Three’s eyes staring into his made One’s penis throb, and he barely managed to suppress a gasp of pleasure.

As though his body was moving without the permission of his mind, Three slowly started to lean down over One, until his chest was touching One’s back and One could feel his warm breath on the side of his face. Three’s breathing was becoming laboured, ragged. So was One’s. He didn’t quite know what was happening but he didn’t want it to stop.

And then… Three drew his hips back. The feel of that cock slowly dragging through his tight, sensitive walls made One bite his lip. Just before the head popped through the ring of muscle at his entrance, Three pushed forward again, sliding back in, and One’s insides welcomed him back eagerly.

One’s abdomen clenched, and he prayed that Three continued to move, that it wasn’t just an adjustment to keep himself in the game – he silently pleaded for it. And after a few seconds, Three complied, pulling his penis back again. When he returned, One let out an involuntary puff of air. His cock was throbbing almost painfully now. This felt so _good_.

Three gradually started to pick up the pace a little as the slow intrusions started to drive both of them a bit mad. One was making soft little noises with every inward thrust now – he couldn’t help it.

Three paused briefly to sit back and pull off his shirt, murmuring that he was hot, and One had a strong urge to touch his skin that annoyingly he couldn’t fulfil in this position. So, before Three started again, he shuffled forward, sliding off Three’s penis with a stifled gasp, and sat up himself.

“I’m hot, too,” he explained, before taking off his own shirt, as well as pushing his trousers fully off his legs.

And when he lay back down, he did so on his back. Three didn’t comment except to raise his eyebrows; he moved back between One’s folded up legs and promptly slipped his cock back between his cheeks. One felt his skin tingle, especially when Three’s bare chest touched his.

One reached one hand up tentatively to stroke down Three’s left arm, and when Three didn’t protest, he added his other hand, and stroked his arms and shoulders and back.

When one of his hands wandered down a bit further than Three’s back, Three faltered for a moment, stopping halfway through a thrust. He stared into One’s eyes, and their faces were so close, breath tickling each other’s skin, close enough to see every eyelash, every freckle…

Three finally closed that gap and pressed his lips to One’s. As their kiss ramped up in passion, Three’s hips started moving again, faster than ever; One had to break the kiss for a moment to breathe, brows furrowed with the effort of trying to process all the sensations happening to him at once, his breathing accompanied by little moans and whimpers escaping him against his will. Three’s hands were on his cheeks, his forehead against his as he tried to breathe, too.

That was when the robot came in.

Immediately, both of them froze. Looked at each other – Three could see One’s fear, and mouthed, ‘It’s okay.’

He slid his penis right inside One as deep as he could, pressing so close against him that even a human would’ve had a hard time telling that they were two separate people.

Making a quiet whirring noise, the robot slid into the room. Something clicked, and then the whirring increased as it started to move around the bed. A red light ran over the walls, across the floor, and onto the bed. One made himself as small as he could beneath Three, and the larger man covered every part of him with himself. The red light paused over them for a second, and then carried on, sweeping over the rest of the room until the robot, seemingly satisfied, withdrew its scanner and backed out of the room.

They waited a few moments before moving, and then Three leaned over to check that it was definitely gone before looking back to smile at One.

“It’s gone. We fooled it,” he said, and One sighed in relief and relaxed. “I guess you’ll have to go on that fabulous trip into space some other time.”

One smiled back. “Thank god.”

“Well, now that that’s over, I’ll just take this back…”

And he started to draw his penis out of One’s spasming hole. One grabbed his arse with both hands to stop him.

“Don’t you dare,” he growled.

Three laughed, eyes sparkling. “Just messing with you.”

He leaned down and kissed One. Then he resumed his motions at once, and smiled at One, who smiled right back. One reached between his legs and started rubbing his own hard cock.

After they’d both finished, they lay there for a while, grinning to themselves, Three’s arm around One’s shoulders.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” said One.

“Me neither,” Three replied. “But the soggy sheets kinda make me think that it did.”

“Well, I’m really glad it did, because it was frickin’ incredible.”

Three grinned cockily. “Course it was. It’s me we’re talking about.”

One rolled his eyes, though he was grinning too.

“Need to thank that robot for coming to try and kill you,” Three muttered.

One chuckled.

They returned to the others a bit later, to find them all safe and sound too, if moderately awkward. Five, in particular, looked very flustered, playing with her hands and avoiding looking at everyone.

“So the plan worked then,” said Three.

“Very well for some of us,” said Two, smirking at One and Three.

They looked at her, then each other. Then everyone else, because they all seemed kind of smirky, too. Then back at each other, looking embarrassed. They knew, somehow.

“Two and I came to find you guys after the robot went, to check you were alright,” Six explained. “Found you a little better than alright.”

One and Three both blushed and grinned sheepishly.

“And you two were so obsessed about the sex thing,” Two teased.

“Well, we aren’t exactly rolling in opportunities to get off round here,” Three said. “Once you get your dick in something that warm and tight, it’s not so easy to hold back.”

He said this with a nonchalant shrug. Despite this, One, his face on fire, knew that Three had said these words with the intention of mortifying everyone – and, judging by the suddenly flushed complexions of the crew, it had worked like a charm. Even Four looked a little uncomfortable.

“Well… me and Four managed,” said Six, with an awkward attempt at arrogance.

“Yeah, well… no offence to you two ladies, but I can’t imagine you were quite as tight as what I was dealing with.”

One hadn’t thought it possible, but everyone became even more red-faced and flustered. Especially One himself. He felt like his face was going to burst into flames. And Five, the poor kid. She looked like she wanted to go and hide in the vents for the rest of eternity.

After a few painfully awkward moments, Two cleared her throat and said, “Well, I, er, I’d better go and, um… check the… navigational systems…”

With that, she left the room as swiftly as possible.

“I’m going to go and train,” Four said, following.

Five just scurried off through the door behind her without a word, and Six mumbled a few incoherent sounds and then left with everyone else.

“Jesus Christ, Three!” One said indignantly, while Three grinned broadly. “Do you have to talk about my… my tightness in-in front of the whole crew?”

“It was hilarious!” Three insisted, snickering.

“Not for me!”

When Three just kept laughing, One smacked him.

“Well, they were judging me for fucking you!” he protested. “I just wanted to point out why it was only human nature. Something that tight and hot squeezing your throbbing –”

“Alright!” One interrupted, face flaming again.

Three looked like he was enjoying this massively, but he gave One a break. Laughing, he threw an arm around his shoulders.

“You know I’m going back in there, right?” he said, totally matter-of-fact. One looked at him. “I’m not good with the self-control.”

One grinned shyly, swallowing the dryness in his mouth. “That’s… definitely not a problem,” he said.

Three smiled. “Good. See ya round, then.”

He winked, and gave One’s backside a cheeky squeeze before heading out of the room.


End file.
